{"id":4022,"date":"2024-08-16T12:30:54","date_gmt":"2024-08-16T16:30:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/?p=4022"},"modified":"2024-08-16T14:38:49","modified_gmt":"2024-08-16T18:38:49","slug":"engaging-in-tough-conversations-as-marginalized-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/engaging-in-tough-conversations-as-marginalized-person\/","title":{"rendered":"Engaging (Or Not) in Tough Conversations as a Marginalized Person"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><button id=\"listenButton1\" class=\"responsivevoice-button\" type=\"button\" value=\"Play\" title=\"ResponsiveVoice Tap to Start\/Stop Speech\"><span>&#128266; Listen to this article<\/span><\/button>\n        <script>\n            listenButton1.onclick = function(){\n                if(responsiveVoice.isPlaying()){\n                    responsiveVoice.cancel();\n                }else{\n                    responsiveVoice.speak(\"If you belong to a marginalized or underrepresented group, there\u2019s a good chance you\u2019ve been asked to comment on sensitive issues that affect you personally. For people of color, this might take the form of White friends asking you, \u201cWhen did things get so bad?\u201d For those who identify as nonbinary, it might be cisgender colleagues asking, \u201cSo, what do your pronouns mean?\u201d These questions often come from well-meaning people who are trying their best to understand but inadvertently make you feel uncomfortable.\u00a0 As tough conversations about social issues become increasingly common in the workplace, it\u2019s important that those asked to engage know how they can navigate these moments in a way that feels safe and comfortable. In this article, we\u2019ll hear from two people with a great deal of experience navigating this side of the conversation.\u00a0 Know Your Limits Engaging in tough conversations as a marginalized or underrepresented person takes patience and emotional labor. If you don\u2019t feel capable of giving that, it\u2019s always fine to say no or decline to engage. That\u2019s a move at which Jackie Ferguson, The Diversity Movement\u2019s Head of Content and Programming, is particularly adept. A writer, Certified Diversity Executive, and long-time advocate for social equality, Ferguson is multiracial and grew up in a multi-generational, cross-regional household, so she\u2019s had plenty of hard conversations with people of different lived experiences. \u201cAfter 5 or 10 or 20 conversations, it gets to be a lot,\u201d she says. \u201cAs a Black person, it\u2019s a relief to see so many people finally realizing the extent of the problem. But, it gets to be exhausting when every White person you know is saying, \u2018How are you doing? Do you want to talk about it?\u2019\u201d It can be hurtful to know that the struggles you\u2019ve faced your whole life \u2014 and watched family members and friends face too \u2014 are only now becoming mainstream conversations. \u201cIt\u2019s frustrating to see so many people just now realizing this is a problem,\u201d Ferguson says. \u201cBlack and Brown people have seen this occur in their personal lives for so long that there\u2019s a little bit of cynicism. Are these conversations going to change anything? Why do I have to keep reliving it if there\u2019s not going to be a change?\u201d If you\u2019re feeling cynical, tired, or otherwise unwilling to engage in tough conversations, that\u2019s okay. Understand when you feel comfortable and engaged to have these conversations and communicate when you don\u2019t. \u201cBut recognize that we all have to do this work to make sustainable and meaningful change,\u201d says Ferguson. \u201cWe also have to be allies to those getting on this journey. When you change one perspective, how far does that reach? Children, colleagues, and communities can be affected positively when you plant seeds in one heart. Together, we can make strides forward by learning to communicate and having empathy for one another.\u201d Make Sure You\u2019re Ready to Engage While some people prefer not to engage in these conversations, others are passionate about educating others. The Diversity Movement\u2019s Head of Consulting, Dr. Florence Holland, offers one perspective: yes, engage, but do so with ground rules. As a DEI leader with over 15 years of expertise and hands-on experience, Dr. Holland says she enjoys having the opportunity to educate others, regardless of where they are in their DEI journey. After engaging in many tough conversations through her work, Dr. Holland has set two firm ground rules for navigating them in a healthy, productive way: 1) Suspend your right to be offended. \u201cFor the purpose of growth and knowledge, we have to enter these conversations with a suspension of offense,\u201d she says. \u201cIf we go in looking to find something wrong with everything the other person says, the conversation isn\u2019t going to go anywhere.\u201d Dr. Holland says she recognizes how hard this can be and how many people aren\u2019t in a place -- mentally and emotionally --\u00a0 to suspend their right to be offended. \u201cIf you\u2019re not in that place, then maybe you\u2019re not the right person to have that conversation with,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd that\u2019s fine. If you can refer them to someone else or to a helpful resource, that\u2019s great.\u201d What she doesn\u2019t want is to stop someone\u2019s progress along their DEI journey by scaring them off with a conversation that turns combative and defensive. \u201cWe have to be in reflective, humble listening mode,\u201d says Dr. Holland. \u201cDuring these conversations, I use a lot of expressions like, \u2018What I hear you saying is\u2026\u2019 or, \u2018I understand that\u2019s your intent, but think about it this way.\u2019\u201d 2) Remember that everything is not a marchable offense. \u201cIt\u2019s about picking your battles,\u201d says Dr. Holland. \u201cIn such a tense political climate, a lot of us are ready to go on the defensive at every careless remark. But you have to give people some grace to let themselves grow.\u201d She\u2019s noticed that some people don\u2019t speak out on important issues because they\u2019re afraid of saying the wrong thing. \u201cWe have to be patient as we\u2019re educating people on diversity and inclusion,\u201d she says. \u201cThey\u2019re not always going to get it right the first, second, or third time. But if the other party is ready to march at every offense, then it\u2019s going to shut down the conversation.\u201d The workplace isn\u2019t like social media; you can\u2019t just unfollow or block someone after a heated disagreement. \u201cAt the end of the day, I\u2019ve still got to work with you tomorrow,\u201d Dr. Holland says. \u201cThat\u2019s why it\u2019s important to approach these conversations with empathy and understanding.\u201d Being reminded of the issues that affect your community is never easy, but tough conversations can be a great learning opportunity for everyone involved. To learn more about the other side of this dialogue, check out our article on \u201cApproaching Tough Conversations as an Ally.\u201d To gain additional perspectives and guidance along your personal DEI journey, contact us.\", \"US English Male\");\n                }\n            };\n        <\/script>\n     <\/br><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you belong to a marginalized or underrepresented group, there\u2019s a good chance you\u2019ve been asked to comment on sensitive issues that affect you personally. For people of color, this might take the form of White friends asking you, \u201cWhen did things get so bad?\u201d For those who identify as nonbinary, it might be cisgender colleagues asking, \u201cSo, what do your pronouns mean?\u201d These questions often come from well-meaning people who are trying their best to understand but inadvertently make you feel uncomfortable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As tough conversations about social issues become increasingly common in the workplace, it\u2019s important that those asked to engage know how they can navigate these moments in a way that feels safe and comfortable. In this article, we\u2019ll hear from two people with a great deal of experience navigating this side of the conversation.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/library\/%20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-8874 size-large lazyload\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-B-1024x341.png\" alt=\"TDM Library. Your one-stop-shop for update DEI Resources. Explore with a free trial. Click here to learn more.\" width=\"1024\" height=\"341\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-B-1024x341.png 1024w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-B-600x200.png 600w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-B-300x100.png 300w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-B-768x256.png 768w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-B.png 1200w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 1024px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 1024\/341;\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<h3>Know Your Limits<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Engaging in tough conversations as a marginalized or underrepresented person takes patience and emotional labor. If you don\u2019t feel capable of giving that, it\u2019s always fine to say no or decline to engage. That\u2019s a move at which <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/team\/jackie-ferguson\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Jackie Ferguson<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, The Diversity Movement\u2019s Head of Content and Programming, is particularly adept. A writer, Certified Diversity Executive, and long-time advocate for social equality, Ferguson is multiracial and grew up in a multi-generational, cross-regional household, so she\u2019s had plenty of hard conversations with people of different lived experiences.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cAfter 5 or 10 or 20 conversations, it gets to be a lot,\u201d she says. \u201cAs a Black person, it\u2019s a relief to see so many people finally realizing the extent of the problem. But, it gets to be exhausting when every White person you know is saying, \u2018How are you doing? Do you want to talk about it?\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can be hurtful to know that the struggles you\u2019ve faced your whole life \u2014 and watched family members and friends face too \u2014 are only now becoming mainstream conversations. \u201cIt\u2019s frustrating to see so many people just now realizing this is a problem,\u201d Ferguson says. \u201cBlack and Brown people have seen this occur in their personal lives for so long that there\u2019s a little bit of cynicism. Are these conversations going to change anything? Why do I have to keep reliving it if there\u2019s not going to be a change?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re feeling cynical, tired, or otherwise unwilling to engage in tough conversations, that\u2019s okay. Understand when you feel comfortable and engaged to have these conversations and communicate when you don\u2019t. \u201cBut recognize that we all have to do this work to make sustainable and meaningful change,\u201d says Ferguson. \u201cWe also have to be allies to those getting on this journey. When you change one perspective, how far does that reach? Children, colleagues, and communities can be affected positively when you plant seeds in one heart. Together, we can make strides forward by learning to communicate and having empathy for one another.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>Make Sure You\u2019re Ready to Engage<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While some people prefer not to engage in these conversations, others are passionate about educating others. The Diversity Movement\u2019s Head of Consulting, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/team\/florence-holland\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Florence Holland<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, offers one perspective: yes, engage, but do so with ground rules. As a DEI leader with over 15 years of expertise and hands-on experience, Dr. Holland says she enjoys having the opportunity to educate others, regardless of where they are in their DEI journey. After engaging in many tough conversations through her work, Dr. Holland has set two firm ground rules for navigating them in a healthy, productive way:<\/span><\/p>\n<h5>1) Suspend your right to be offended.<\/h5>\n<p>\u201cFor the purpose of growth and knowledge, we have to enter these conversations with a suspension of offense,\u201d she says. \u201cIf we go in looking to find something wrong with everything the other person says, the conversation isn\u2019t going to go anywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Holland says she recognizes how hard this can be and how many people aren\u2019t in a place &#8212; mentally and emotionally &#8212;\u00a0 to suspend their right to be offended. \u201cIf you\u2019re not in that place, then maybe you\u2019re not the right person to have that conversation with,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd that\u2019s fine. If you can refer them to someone else or to a helpful resource, that\u2019s great.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What she doesn\u2019t want is to stop someone\u2019s progress along their DEI journey by scaring them off with a conversation that turns combative and defensive. \u201cWe have to be in reflective, humble listening mode,\u201d says Dr. Holland. \u201cDuring these conversations, I use a lot of expressions like, \u2018What I hear you saying is\u2026\u2019 or, \u2018I understand that\u2019s your intent, but think about it this way.\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<h5>2) Remember that everything is not a marchable offense.<\/h5>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s about picking your battles,\u201d says Dr. Holland. \u201cIn such a tense political climate, a lot of us are ready to go on the defensive at every careless remark. But you have to give people some grace to let themselves grow.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">She\u2019s noticed that some people don\u2019t speak out on important issues because they\u2019re afraid of saying the wrong thing. \u201cWe have to be patient as we\u2019re educating people on diversity and inclusion,\u201d she says. \u201cThey\u2019re not always going to get it right the first, second, or third time. But if the other party is ready to march at every offense, then it\u2019s going to shut down the conversation.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The workplace isn\u2019t like social media; you can\u2019t just unfollow or block someone after a heated disagreement. \u201cAt the end of the day, I\u2019ve still got to work with you tomorrow,\u201d Dr. Holland says. \u201cThat\u2019s why it\u2019s important to approach these conversations with empathy and understanding.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being reminded of the issues that affect your community is never easy, but tough conversations can be a great learning opportunity for everyone involved. To learn more about the other side of this dialogue, check out our article on \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/approaching-tough-conversations-as-an-ally\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Approaching Tough Conversations as an Ally<\/a><\/span><b>.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To gain additional perspectives and guidance along your personal DEI journey, <a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/contact\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">contact us<\/a><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/library\/%20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-large wp-image-8047 lazyload\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-B-1024x85.png\" alt=\"Display ad for TDM Library. Text says &quot;Find more content like this in TDM Library. Start my free trial&quot;\" width=\"1024\" height=\"85\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-B-1024x85.png 1024w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-B-600x50.png 600w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-B-300x25.png 300w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-B-768x64.png 768w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-B.png 1200w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 1024px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 1024\/85;\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you belong to a marginalized or underrepresented group, there\u2019s a good chance you\u2019ve been asked to comment on sensitive issues that affect you personally. For people of color, this15<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4023,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[67,5],"tags":[109,82,76],"tdm_type":[92],"class_list":["post-4022","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inclusive-language-communication","category-blogs","tag-gender","tag-lgbtqia","tag-race","tdm_type-articles"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Engaging (Or Not) in Tough Conversations as a Marginalized Person - The Diversity Movement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As tough conversations about social issues become increasingly common in the workplace, it\u2019s important that those asked know how to navigate these moments in a way that feels safe and comfortable\" 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