{"id":5615,"date":"2022-02-11T10:08:37","date_gmt":"2022-02-11T15:08:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/?p=5615"},"modified":"2023-12-11T17:07:33","modified_gmt":"2023-12-11T22:07:33","slug":"allyship-4-overcome-bias-and-bigotry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/allyship-4-overcome-bias-and-bigotry\/","title":{"rendered":"Guest Blog: Journey to Allyship (Part 4): How Life Experiences Helped Me Overcome Bias and Bigotry"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><button id=\"listenButton1\" class=\"responsivevoice-button\" type=\"button\" value=\"Play\" title=\"ResponsiveVoice Tap to Start\/Stop Speech\"><span>&#128266; Listen to this article<\/span><\/button>\n        <script>\n            listenButton1.onclick = function(){\n                if(responsiveVoice.isPlaying()){\n                    responsiveVoice.cancel();\n                }else{\n                    responsiveVoice.speak(\"Over the past few months, my friends at The Diversity Movement have graciously given me a platform to share my personal journey of awakening, as I\u2019ve shed both bias and outright bigotry toward those who are different from me over the course of these 50 trips I\u2019ve made around the sun. In short, I was raised in the deep South in a culture that could be outright hateful at times, both openly and behind closed doors, especially toward people of color and those representing the LGBTQ+ spectrum. But in the years since, life has confronted me with people and situations that summoned me to be a better human.\u00a0 At the rather ripe age of 45, my wife and I \u2013 both White people \u2013 found ourselves becoming a transracial family through adoption. This experience, as an ally to people of color, has been eye-opening to say the least. When I tell people about it, I usually describe the demand on me as a father and on us as parents as we are navigating the bridge from empathy to sympathy for the people who are now our fellow parents of children of color.\u00a0 These days, there\u2019s a growing swarm of discussion in both our public and private lives about the impact of education regarding our past, present, and even future realities of discrimination, privilege, and bias. Many individuals object to these educational efforts, whether they are related to teaching our nation\u2019s history of racism to schoolchildren or confronting workplaces that are neither diverse, nor inclusive, nor fair to all. Some people object on the grounds of discomfort, coupled with the notion that they or their children shouldn\u2019t be challenged on these fronts, since they don\u2019t believe they actively participate in acts of racism, sexism, or homophobia and therefore shouldn\u2019t have to address issues they believe are behind us as a society. Over the holiday season, I had a moment of clarity I\u2019d like to share with those whom I believe have sincerely held positions on these topics. I think we can all agree that going through pain or discomfort is often worth the struggle when there\u2019s a reward to be had at the end. In this case, making our workplaces and society more fair to everyone involved is certainly a worthwhile goal, especially if it means, in the end, that everyone\u2019s child can thrive and explore the opportunities that our country currently affords to only some people.\u00a0 Here\u2019s what happened. You see, my wife and I read to our son every day. One of the blessings of the first 4 \u00bd years of our life with him is that we\u2019ve been equipped with many books that duly represent what all children look like and experience, uniquely \u2013 in his case, being Black and biracial. It struck me and his mom how early children start to look for themselves in illustrated characters in books. At 2 and 3, Zeke would point to children of color placed in multiracial groups and always identify with the child who had the darkest complexion.\u00a0 A few nights after Christmas, my wife pulled out one of the latest additions to our little library, Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race by Megan Madison and Jessica Ralli. I listened as my wife read to my son each of the little pages showing children across the color spectrum, highlighting the beauty in their differences.\u00a0 Then, the story turned, in an age-appropriate way, to talk about how some people treat other people differently based on the color of their skin and make decisions that aren\u2019t fair on this basis. At the end of the 15 minutes or so that it took to read the book, I found my face covered in tears.\u00a0 I had the same feelings that researchers say many White parents hold when discussing race with children. According to the American Psychological Association, children notice race several years before adults want to talk about it. Many White parents adopt strategies that are inadvertently harmful in the long run, like promoting colorblindness or refusing to talk about race entirely. While I have rejected colorblindness as a parenting strategy, at that moment, I definitely wondered if we were sharing material about race with our son at too early an age. As I cried while watching my wife rock our sweet son to sleep (yes, he still lets us do that once in a while), I had an epiphany of sorts.\u00a0 As parents, we have a primal instinct to protect our children. I can confirm that this primal instinct applies to adoptive parents all the same. One of the aspects of adoption that many, if not all adoptive parents at least lightly question, is the level of attachment they will have with their child. Also, I also think that most of us, parents or not, believe that we must protect all children, and not just our own. My epiphany was that part of our job in protecting Zeke is to confront concepts that may be uncomfortable for us and for him. Just as we recently had a chat about how wandering from home may put him in danger to someone who might take him away, we also need to talk with him about racism and colorism. In the same way that we do not want abduction to be his first experience with the concept of kidnapping, we also don\u2019t want an outright act of bigotry or a thoughtless microaggression to be his first experience with racism. Not everything we do as parents is all hugs and kisses. Nor is everything we do at work composed of motivational quotes, uplifting team talks, and happy hours. To create spaces where we can all thrive, those of us with higher quantities of privilege must be willing to leverage our advantages and have hard conversations, taking on difficult, often emotional concepts.\u00a0 Even the most empathetic among us needs to hear about the struggles that are real for those we love \u2013 and those we respect\u2013 at work.\u00a0 In the process, it\u2019s important to remind ourselves that diving into these issues as conversations is far less painful than actually living them. That\u2019s another realization I\u2019ve had: that my pain in confronting racism and bias as a parent of a child who will almost inevitably experience them is far less than what he may have to endure. When my wife and I jumped at the chance to adopt Zeke, we also realized the inherent responsibilities of raising a child of color.\u00a0 Just as I am holding myself accountable for learning and growth in my personal life, we should also hold ourselves accountable for DEI learning in the workplace as well. We don\u2019t have separate personal and professional selves, after all. We have one life, and our learning in each of these places inevitably soaks through to the other.\u00a0 The people we work beside \u2013 and their well being \u2013 are worth it, just as my son\u2019s well being is worth it. If we are truly committed to workplace excellence, then we must also be committed to the more uncomfortable explorations and discoveries within the realm of diversity, equity, and inclusion. And, we must be compassionate enough to know that someone else in the room may find the topic more painful than we do. The good news is, we\u2019re in this together.\u00a0 Brian Castle is the Founder & CEO of Parklife Communications, a full-service content shop serving small and mid-sized companies and larger agencies with a digital marketing focus. Brian is passionate about collaborating with executives and entrepreneurs to help tell their stories to effect positive change.\", \"US English Male\");\n                }\n            };\n        <\/script>\n     <\/br><br \/>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over the past few months, my friends at The Diversity Movement have graciously given me a platform to share <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/journey-to-allyship-part-1\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">my personal journey of awakening<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, as I\u2019ve shed both bias and outright bigotry toward those who are different from me over the course of these 50 trips I\u2019ve made around the sun. In short, I was raised in the deep South in a culture that could be outright hateful at times, both openly and behind closed doors, especially toward <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/journey-to-allyship-overcome-bias-bigotry\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">people of color<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/3-journey-allyship-overcome-bias-bigotry\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> those representing the LGBTQ+ spectrum<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. But in the years since, life has confronted me with people and situations that summoned me to be a better human.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At the rather ripe age of 45, my wife and I \u2013 both White people \u2013 found ourselves becoming a transracial family through adoption. This experience, as an ally to people of color, has been eye-opening to say the least. When I tell people about it, I usually describe the demand on me as a father and on us as parents as we are navigating the bridge from empathy to sympathy for the people who are now our fellow parents of children of color.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These days, there\u2019s a growing swarm of discussion in both our public and private lives about the impact of education regarding our past, present, and even future realities of discrimination, privilege, and bias. Many individuals object to these educational efforts, whether they are related to teaching our nation\u2019s history of racism to schoolchildren or confronting workplaces that are neither diverse, nor inclusive, nor fair to all. Some people object on the grounds of discomfort, coupled with the notion that they or their children shouldn\u2019t be challenged on these fronts, since they don\u2019t believe they actively participate in acts of racism, sexism, or homophobia and therefore shouldn\u2019t have to address issues they believe are behind us as a society.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over the holiday season, I had a moment of clarity I\u2019d like to share with those whom I believe have sincerely held positions on these topics. I think we can all agree that going through pain or discomfort is often worth the struggle when there\u2019s a reward to be had at the end. In this case, making our workplaces and society more fair to everyone involved is certainly a worthwhile goal, especially if it means, in the end, that everyone\u2019s child can thrive and explore the opportunities that our country currently affords to only some people.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/library\/%20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-8876 size-large lazyload\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-A-1024x341.png\" alt=\"TDM Library: your one-stop-shop for update, expert DEI Resources. Explore the platform with a free trial. Click here to learn more.\" width=\"1024\" height=\"341\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-A-1024x341.png 1024w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-A-600x200.png 600w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-A-300x100.png 300w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-A-768x256.png 768w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/04\/NEW-TDM-Library-Display-Ad_Large-A.png 1200w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 1024px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 1024\/341;\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<h3>Here\u2019s what happened.<\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You see, my wife and I read to our son every day. One of the blessings of the first 4 \u00bd years of our life with him is that we\u2019ve been equipped with many books that duly represent what all children look like and experience, uniquely \u2013 in his case, being Black and biracial. It struck me and his mom how early children start to look for themselves in illustrated characters in books. At 2 and 3, Zeke would point to children of color placed in multiracial groups and <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">always<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> identify with the child who had the darkest complexion.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A few nights after Christmas, my wife pulled out one of the latest additions to our little library, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Our-Skin-First-Conversation-Conversations\/dp\/0593382633\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> by Megan Madison and Jessica Ralli. I listened as my wife read to my son each of the little pages showing children across the color spectrum, highlighting the beauty in their differences.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then, the story turned, in an age-appropriate way, to talk about how some people treat other people differently based on the color of their skin and make decisions that aren\u2019t fair on this basis. At the end of the 15 minutes or so that it took to read the book, I found my face covered in tears.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I had the same feelings that researchers say many White parents hold when discussing race with children. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/news\/press\/releases\/2020\/08\/children-notice-race\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to the American Psychological Association<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, children notice race several years before adults want to talk about it. Many White parents adopt strategies that are inadvertently harmful in the long run, like promoting <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/watching-my-son-watch-kamala-harris\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">colorblindness<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or refusing to talk about race entirely. While I have rejected colorblindness as a parenting strategy, at that moment, I definitely wondered if we were sharing material about race with our son at too early an age.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As I cried while watching my wife rock our sweet son to sleep (yes, he still lets us do that once in a while), I had an epiphany of sorts.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As parents, we have a primal instinct to protect our children. I can confirm that this primal instinct applies to adoptive parents all the same. One of the aspects of adoption that many, if not all adoptive parents at least lightly question, is the level of attachment they will have with their child. Also, I also think that most of us, parents or not, believe that we must protect all children, and not just our own.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My epiphany was that part of our job in protecting Zeke is to confront concepts that may be uncomfortable for us and for him. Just as we recently had a chat about how wandering from home may put him in danger to someone who might take him away, we also need to talk with him about racism and colorism. In the same way that we do not want abduction to be his first experience with the concept of kidnapping, we also don\u2019t want an outright act of bigotry or a thoughtless microaggression to be his first experience with racism.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not everything we do as parents is all hugs and kisses. Nor is everything we do at work composed of motivational quotes, uplifting team talks, and happy hours. To create spaces where we can all thrive, those of us with higher quantities of privilege must be willing to leverage our advantages and have hard conversations, taking on difficult, often emotional concepts.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even the most empathetic among us needs to hear about the struggles that are real for those we love \u2013 and those we respect\u2013 at work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the process, it\u2019s important to remind ourselves that diving into these issues as conversations is far less painful than actually living them. That\u2019s another realization I\u2019ve had: that my pain in confronting racism and bias as a parent of a child who will almost inevitably experience them is far less than what he may have to endure. When my wife and I jumped at the chance to adopt Zeke, we also realized the inherent responsibilities of raising a child of color.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just as I am holding myself accountable for learning and growth in my personal life, we should also hold ourselves accountable for DEI learning in the workplace as well. We don\u2019t have separate personal and professional selves, after all. We have one life, and our learning in each of these places inevitably soaks through to the other.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The people we work beside \u2013 and their well being \u2013 are worth it, just as my son\u2019s well being is worth it. If we are truly committed to workplace excellence, then we must also be committed to the more uncomfortable explorations and discoveries within the realm of diversity, equity, and inclusion. And, we must be compassionate enough to know that someone else in the room may find the topic more painful than we do. The good news is, we\u2019re in this together.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/library\/%20\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-large wp-image-8041 lazyload\" data-src=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-A-1024x85.png\" alt=\"Display ad for TDM Library. Text says &quot;Find more content like this in TDM Library. Start my free trial&quot;\" width=\"1024\" height=\"85\" data-srcset=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-A-1024x85.png 1024w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-A-600x50.png 600w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-A-300x25.png 300w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-A-768x64.png 768w, https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/TDM-Library-Footer-Ad-A.png 1200w\" data-sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" src=\"data:image\/svg+xml;base64,PHN2ZyB3aWR0aD0iMSIgaGVpZ2h0PSIxIiB4bWxucz0iaHR0cDovL3d3dy53My5vcmcvMjAwMC9zdmciPjwvc3ZnPg==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 1024px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 1024\/85;\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/brianrcastle\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b>Brian Castle<\/b><\/a> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is the Founder &amp; CEO of Parklife Communications, a full-service content shop serving small and mid-sized companies and larger agencies with a digital marketing focus. Brian is passionate about collaborating with executives and entrepreneurs to help tell their stories to effect positive change.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Over the past few months, my friends at The Diversity Movement have graciously given me a platform to share my personal journey of awakening, as I\u2019ve shed both bias and15<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3489,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[73,69,79],"tdm_type":[92],"class_list":["post-5615","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blogs","tag-allyship","tag-bias","tag-personal-stories","tdm_type-articles"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Guest Blog: Journey to Allyship (Part 4): How Life Experiences Helped Me Overcome Bias and Bigotry - The Diversity Movement<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If we are truly committed to workplace excellence, then we must also be committed to the more uncomfortable explorations and discoveries within the realm of diversity, equity, and inclusion. And, we must be compassionate enough to know that someone else in the room may find the topic more painful than we do.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thediversitymovement.com\/allyship-4-overcome-bias-and-bigotry\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Guest Blog: Journey to Allyship (Part 4): How Life Experiences Helped Me Overcome Bias and Bigotry - The Diversity Movement\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If we are truly committed to workplace excellence, then we must also be committed to the more uncomfortable explorations and discoveries within the realm of diversity, equity, and inclusion. 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